I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Randomize
