Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
