I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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