I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
