In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
babies were throwing up all over the place
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
