note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
There r osticjed everywhere
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
