My brain says no but my pants say off.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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