I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
