singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
being pregnant is like rehab
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
