no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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