I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
