Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Randomize
