i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
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