It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
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I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
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