I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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