I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
