We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
be right there i have to get my cape
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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