I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
