I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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