three words: i give head
three words: not that well
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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