Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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