Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
