i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
