Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
