He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
