it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
