fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
