We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
