I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I think I sprained my soul last night
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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