i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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