I got chris browned last night
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Randomize
