I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
