Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
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