I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
