sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
