Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
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Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
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DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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