Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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