we have officially mastered the walk of shame
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
