he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
