Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
