Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
