Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Randomize
