I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
