he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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