i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
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