Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
