First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
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I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
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