apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
