Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
