My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
