his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I have fence marks all over my body
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
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