How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
