This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
