Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
