I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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