Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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