put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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