Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Randomize
