Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
