i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
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