I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
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I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
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Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize