I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
