You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
