Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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