I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Randomize
