I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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