a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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